Together We Think

One of the great things about living in a free and wealthy country is that we have a lot of liberty to do as we wish. We get to live with a sense of control over our world.

Take a moment to think about just a few things in my/your day: We control what time we wake up by an alarm clock. We control what we want to wear by choosing from hundreds of options. We control what we want to eat from a stocked fridge and pantry. We control the temperature in our home by pushing a button. We get in the car and control where we want to go. We control who we want to talk to by calling or not. And the list goes on and on…

Never in human history have there been so many options for so many people and we get the privilege of having access to these options!

There is a wonderful side to this to be sure, but there is also a darker side when it comes to our spiritual development. This darker side is a lie we tell ourselves…that we are in control. The truth of the matter is that none of us is really in control. It only takes a doctors prognosis, a broken relationship, a car accident or anything else beyond our control to bring this myth tumbling down.

Over the past 3 months I have been working hard to lose some weight and get back into shape. I have been excited to drop 15 pounds by eating right and exercising and have felt very empowered and in control. However, over the past few weeks I have been experiencing some physical issues and am currently awaiting some tests back to tell me whether or not I have any problems to tackle physically. Although it is probably nothing it has become very evident to me, once again, that I am not in control. I have to trust my Heavenly Father for everything.

The funny thing about this reminder is that I am supposed to be living in light of this truth already! I am supposed to live every moment with the awareness that every perfect gift comes from above, (James 1:17) that man plans his ways,  but the Lord determines his steps,  (Prov. 16:9) that I must trust in the Lord with all my heart and lean not on my understanding. (Prov. 3:5,6)

It’s crazy, I know, but even with all of these beautiful reminder’s in scripture, I still all too many times live life as if I am in control. Until something happens that reminds me once again that my hope, future and everything else depends on Him.

When it comes right down to it, deep inside none of us really want to be in control because we know we’re not that good. We know that if left to ourselves we will ultimately make a mess of things. We know that we need Him. So, what do you need to give back to Him? What or who are you trying to control? It’s time to give it back to Him today and trust that He is at work and has your best interest in mind!

I pray that this post will encourage and challenge you. Until next time, godspeed!

Scott

I have decided to drop the day count from my posts, because I am not sure how many days I will need for this journey and in many respects it will be every day for the rest of my life.

It would be great to say that I am finally healed and in some ways I know I will get there, but in many other way’s true healing won’t come until my life is through because I live in a broken world. A couple weeks ago I called my counselor to talk since I was having a particularly challenging day. My frustrated question to her was, “Am I ever going to get past this? Am I ever going to heal?’!! Her wise response was, “Do you want the good news, or the bad news?”

Of course I wanted the good news first! She said, “The good news is that you are healing now and will continue to. The bad news is, you will never fully heal in this life because deep down inside what you are longing for is to be home, and this world isn’t home.”

As I left our conversation that day, I was struck by that stark reality. As much as we want to be healed and as much as we can be if we are willing to do the hard work of forgiveness, patience, love, etc… the reality in all of our lives is that we will always deal with the brokenness of this world…there will always be a nagging void…we will always wrestle with some broken part of who we are until one day we walk into the arms of our Heavenly Father’s “Well done!” Until then, we continue growing, learning, challenging ourselves and loving others so that we can mature and heal as much as possible.

Depending on how you look at this thought, it could be encouraging or discouraging. I hope you take it as encouraging! Just to know that one day everything will be healed…everything will be as it should be. In the meantime, we get to lean on the Lord and each other to grow, love, heal and live life to it’s fullest in this beautiful mess that is our life in the world!

Today I want to talk about something that is a huge challenge for me. It might just be one of my biggest challenges and potential frustrations in life. It is the value that I try and get from position and career opportunity.

I realize that this is really a mixed bag and two sides of the same coin, because part of this is really healthy. It is the way God has designed us to work hard, use our gifts and find satisfaction in our chosen field. Having said that, what I want to focus on today is the dark side of needing something from our work, title, position that it just cannot provide.

For those of you who know the Myers Briggs personality profile, I am wired as an INFP, or as some might call it, “The Dreamer”. The problem with being wired this way is that it is not what I necessarily would choose as my primary wiring if you were to ask me. What I would really love to be is a Natural Born Leader. Why? Because the culture I have grown up around tends to worship at the altar of natural born, bigger than life leaders. Sounds a little overstated, I know, but for many of us, that statement isn’t too strong because we have convinced ourselves that with greater positions of leadership, we are more valuable.

As I write, I am well aware that I do not represent all of you, some of you are natural born leaders and some are perfectly content with who you are, but for me, a lot of my value has been attached to whatever position I  might have or think I might want to have. The problem is that when I have it, it actually doesn’t deliver the value I am hoping it will and when I don’t get it, I can become easily frustrated and discouraged.

Let me try to explain… Because I am not a natural born leader, it takes a lot more work and effort for me to obtain and execute new levels of team leadership. For some of you reading this, leading others comes very easily, but for me, it does not. It is a lot of work to figure out how to lead a team toward a common goal and purpose. With my wiring, I am great at self-leadership, thought leadership and leading in the moment, but people leadership toward a long-term goal can be a real struggle for me.

Although this is a good realization to have, it can be pretty tough in organizational leadership life, because what gets noticed many times are those who lead teams and big initiatives to successful outcomes over time. When this type of leadership isn’t your strong suite and you feel like this is what you will gain your ultimate value from, then it can leave you feeling less than and discouraged. It can also lead to frustration because new doors of leadership opportunity may not open as fast or at all and when you attach your value to these doors, it is a rough place to live for sure!

So, what do I do about this? I must learn to find my value in who my Heavenly Father has made me to be. I must learn to say “Thank you Lord!” in every circumstance. Now, I find in my life, that it is easy to say “Thank You Lord!” for the good things. Thanks for my family, my ministry, my stuff, etc… But, it is much harder to say “Thank you Lord!” for our weaknesses or deficiency’s. Thanks that I’m not a natural born leader, thanks for this job transition, thanks for this constant struggle that forces me to depend on You, etc… And yet, scripture says we should do just that. Paul said that he had learned to be content in any circumstance. (Phil. 4:12) Man Paul, you are a better man than me:-)

So, what is my point? What can we learn from this?

We must learn that God has made us exactly who he wants us to be. Not what others say we should be or what leaders and leadership experts say is the thing we need to be great! Or what a culture says is or is not valuable. We are already priceless in God’s eyes! We are so much more valuable to Him than we can ever know! We don’t have to find our true value from any position or title. We find it in Him!

So, today, regardless of what position or title your aspire to, take the time to remind yourself that you are exactly who your Heavenly Father has created you to be and no title/position or lack there of can ever change your value in His eyes! When you view life in this way, then it much easier to look at whatever door or position God has opened for us and just say thank you to the one who is Able to bring true value from our lives!

I hope this helps and Godspeed…

S.

What possessions do you find valuable? For me, it is many things. Here is a brief, non-exhaustive list:

• My house
• My cars
• My clothes
• My watches
• My health

There are a lot of things I find valuable in life. Some are more important than others, but all can become a distraction if I’m not careful. In the picture above you see my 1965 Dodge Coronet. Yes, I am kind of a car guy and no, I do not own this car anymore. I sold it before our move to Georgia, but man did I have fun with it when it was mine, (Thanks to my bride for putting up with it!!) and yes, it was very valuable to me!

There is nothing wrong with finding things valuable and enjoying nice things. The problem comes when I try to gain my value from them. Let me tell you this is all to easy for me to do. I all too often have a tendency to try and define myself by the clothes I wear, the cars I drive, the watch on me wrist, the home I live in…ad infinitum!

I have walked around many days in my life not only defining myself by these things, but hoping others might find my value in them and valuing others by these things as well. It is a part of the human condition, and it is hard to stop.

We live in a society that in many ways pushes us to define ouselves by how much we have, how nice it is, how good we look , and the list could go on and on. The reason this is so insidious for us as followers of Christ is that it flies completely in the face of where our true value comes from. All through scripture it tells us that we find our value in our Heavenly Father. It is because He has made us and loves us that we have true value. And yet, we strive hard to find value in so many other things.

The ultimate problem with this striving is that it never works. The recognition from others fades quickly; the home or car gets old quickly and someone has a nicer one; the clothes and accessories are only new once; someone always makes more than me; and the list goes on and on.

Why do we do this? What’s going on inside of us? The Bible says that God has “planted eternity in the hearts of men” (Ecc. 3:11) God wired us for something greater. He made us to love us and help us discover our incredible value in Him. He made us to experience His love and appreciation, so this desire to be valued is a good and noble desire! It is just all to often misplaced in our lives. We all too often mistake the temporal values for the eternal and we look to the possessions of this world to define who we are instead of the One who made us and loves us. The problem with these possessions and positions is that they are not Val- “You”-able! They cannot fulfill the hunger inside us that needs to be valued and loved. Only our Heavenly Father can do that as we grow more and more in love with Him. Only He is Val- “You”- able in our lives!

The questions as we close today is, what possessions are you trying to gain your value from? How can you set those aside and turn today toward the One who is able to help you understand and find your true value?

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? ²⁶Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Matthew 6: 25,26

Before I spend some time reflecting on the story in the Bible about Nehemiah and how it relates to my (and possibly your) personal journey, I want to start by saying how important I believe it is to find stories and people with which you can relate personally. It has been my experience that comparing and engaging with the stories of others, whether alive or in history helps us discover more about our own journey’s and gives us great traveling partners through the ups and downs of our journey!

OK, enough of the ethereal stuff! Let’s take a look at the life of Nehemiah and how I believe it relates to many of our journey’s. As a quick background, Nehemiah was alive during a time when Jerusalem was destroyed and the nation of Israel was carried into captivity. Nehemiah was blessed enough to find himself serving in the court of the king as the cup bearer and it was through this position that God gave him the opportunity to fulfill a passion and dream…to rebuild the walls of Jerusalem.

It is with this context as our background that we join Nehemiah on his trip back to survey the city and the walls that surrounded it. In the book of Nehemiah we find the story of his journey.

There are a few things that strike me about his journey:

1. Nehemiah begins his story by mourning and grieving the loss of what was supposed to be: Walls around the city of Jerusalem.
2. Nehemiah goes back to Jerusalem to survey the damaged walls and come up with a plan for how to fix them.
3. After surveying the walls and planning, Nehemiah begins the hard work of rebuilding the walls.
4. There are a lot of challenges in rebuilding the walls, including the mocking and attacks of others.
5. The dream of the rebuilt walls is fulfilled through hard work and teamwork.

Now, I realize at this point that the applications for our lives are so obvious that I probably don’t have to write another word, but let’s go there for a second.

Here are the point by point personal applications for me:

1. There is a “supposed to be” in all of our lives. As we enter into the “broken walls” of our personal story, we realize that much of our brokenness is not what God had intended. Something was done to us or we did something that tore down the walls of our lives and it is painful and hard to see the results.
2. We must begin the process of rebuilding in our lives by first surveying and discovering what has happened and what needs to be done to rebuild.
3. At some point, we must begin to rebuild the broken parts of our lives.
4. We will face challenges and attacks from the enemy who doesn’t want us to become healthy and whole.
5. If we are willing to do the hard work and walk with others who can lead us and encourage us on the journey, we will ultimately, find the healing that God wants to bring to the brokenness in our lives.

In closing, where I find myself right now, is still a bit in the surveying stage. I am doing a little bit of the work of rebuilding, but at times feel stuck in the surveying stage, so my  next step is to move fully into the rebuilding stage. How about you? Where are you in this journey?

Thanks for reading and possibly sharing! Godspeed!

S.

I have  been thinking a lot lately about the challenges of trying to grow, mature and heal. I have been struck once again, by how much of a struggle it can be to grow in areas of brokenness and pain.

As I move forward on this journey, I know I am on the right road toward the destination my Heavenly Father has for me, but all too many times I find myself stuck in the slow moving traffic of growth, and slow moving traffic is not something I like!!!

The reason “stuck in traffic” feels like such a great analogy for me in relation to my healing is :

1. There are very few things more frustrating to me than being on the way to an important destination or appointment and getting stuck in traffic.
2. At times I feel helpless in traffic because it is beyond my control. Sure, I can jump off at an exit and try and find a way around it, but many times that just leads to a longer trip.
3. Being stuck in traffic really tests my patience, and honestly, I am not a patient person.
4. When I am stuck in traffic I can become very irritable with those in the car and those driving around me.
5. Many times when I am stuck in traffic it is because some driver ahead of me did something stupid and caused an accident.

I don’t have to explain the analogy to you, do I?! These are all things I feel at times on this journey of healing. Sometimes, the journey is smooth sailing and we can get to our destination quickly. At other times, we get stuck in the right direction and have to trust that we will move at whatever pace God has for us as we continue forward.

The great news for all of us is that, when we are on a healing journey, we know that ultimately, the destination is a great one! A whole and healthy heart is what we all desire! But, it takes time, patience, a willingness to live with some frustration and a commitment to stay on the journey.

Here are a couple questions for you to think about today:

• Are you on the road to toward the destination of healing?
• If you get “Stuck in the right direction” what does God want to teach you through this?
• Are you willing to stay on the road through the slow moving and frustration or have you/will you try and take an exit or turn around and go home?

I hope that your answer will be to start or continue the journey! Although I have had many times of feeling a bit stuck over the past months, I know that what I want is to complete this journey to the destination of healing!

Healing and wholeness is the goal, not a quick, easy and painless journey. Since healing is not a simple trip down the street, but a long and arduous journey, we must prepare ourselves for the free and fast flow as well as the gridlock and slow go, knowing through it all that we are on the right road with our Heavenly Father!

Tomorrow, I want to share another great analogy on healing from the life of the biblical character, Nehemiah.

Until then, I hope today is a quick and easy commute for you:-) Godspeed!

S.

As I write this entry, I have just walked out of a wonderful time with a great group of men who are working together to help each other become more of who God made us to be. What did our time consist of? Looking at our wiring, talking some about our strengths and some about our weaknesses. We prayed together, talked about the ups and downs of our weeks, and left our 90 minutes with a sense of being encouraged and together with other men on a journey toward becoming all that God wants us to be. Sounds like a pretty good time right?! It was!

When I think about how men are wired, (women, you are wired differently, but also need accountability!) our first thought is that we can fix things on our own, right?! You know I am right, don’t you?:-) I would say this is especially true when we think about our struggles and sin. If I just try harder; if I just don’ watch tv; if I just won’t turn on my computer! The problem is, that it doesn’t last. At some point, we will fail again and until we invite some other men into our journey, most of us will stay in the vicious cycle.

Now, let’s say you are bought into accountability or are open to not going it alone. When I think about the subject and some of my past experience around it, I think that all too often, the concept is misunderstood. One one side there are those who think, man, I don’t want to get together with a bunch of broken and weepy guys to talk about my problems, but I guess I have to! On the other side are those who get together to compare sins and assuage the guilt of struggles that are out of control. To me, it is neither of these.

So, what is it? Here are some bulletted thoughts on what I believe it is:

1. Find a man or some men you respect and enjoy being around.
2. Set a consistent time to connect and talk about life.
3. Begin by being open about your strengths and weaknesses. All of us need someone in our life who knows our deepest struggles.
4. Be sure that your time together focuses on how daily life is going, how you are growing and where you are presently struggling in your life.
5. Make yourself available to each other so that when victories or defeats come, you have a place to reach out.
6. Be proactive in pursuing each other specifically in your areas of struggle. You never know how God might use a phone call, an email or a text to help each other make it through or avoid an area of weakness.

Those are my thoughts on what our accountability should look like. This is the definitive list, but it is mine, so that’s what I will go with:-)

When I look through this list, I believe that the one many men get sideways or lost on is not having another man in their life who knows their dark side. All to many of us are afraid or unwilling to share the area where we struggle and so we do out best to go it alone and continue to fail over and over.

Why is it that we fail when we try and work on our weaknesses alone? Here is some scripture that I believe will answer this question:

James 5:16 - Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.

Ephesians 4:25- Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body.

Hebrews 3:13 - But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin’s deceitfulness.

All of these passages (and many more) speak to the need that we have to be connected to one another and to know the truth about each other, both good and bad, so that we can journey together to become all God wants us to be!

Here are my closing questions for you today:

1. Are you journeying with men you enjoy and respect who are intent on growing and becoming more of who God made them to be?
2. Is there another man in your life who knows your dark side and is willing to challenge you in that area and be there to encourage you?
3. Do you have a consistent time set up on your calendar to meet with them and grow together?

If the answer is yes, good for you! Keep it going! If the answer is no, I want to encourage you to make it yes as soon as possible, because when you are alone, you are in trouble!

Thanks for reading and godspeed!

S.

PS - Quick plug for an accountability tool you need to use: If you struggle in the area of lust or pornography, get the X3watch software today from xxxchurch!!!!! When I started using it a few years ago it completely eliminated the temptation on my computer, and now they have it available for iphones as well!!

In today’s post, I want to focus on the triggers that set us up for failure in the area of lust. We all have triggers that cause us to move toward our areas of struggle and temptation. Although we are all different, we have many of the same triggers such as: stress, pain, insecurity, fear, anger, frustration, etc… This list is a result of the broken side of our lives. The old sin nature if you will. If we have any hope of finding victory in the struggles of life we must get to the root of where these triggers come from.

I want to talk for a few minutes about how these triggers function and what we can do to recognize their presence and prepare for the battle and temptation ahead. First, we need to recognize when these triggers are most likely to appear. Here are some thoughts:

• You have just had an argument with your spouse and are feeling unappreciated.
• You have had a really rough day at work.
• You have just had a spiritual high and there is a let down coming.
• You had an interaction at work or home that tapped into your insecurity and you feel like less of a person.
• You had a difficult conversation with a family member or friend and it didn’t turn out as you had hoped.
• You feel out of control in some way.

I could go on and on, but I am sure that at least one of these resonated with you. There are situations and emotions in all of us that when presented are triggers that cause us to run to something in a blind way to ease the sense of tension, pain or stress. This is why pornography is so prevalent because it taps into our natural sexual wiring, gives us a feeling of satisfaction and control and makes us feel good for the moment. It is a pretty potent concoction isn’t it?

And yet, those of us who struggle with it all know that it doesn’t work well for long because the feelings of desperation and guilt that quickly follow leave us worse off than we were before. So, why do so many of us continue to go back? Because the pain we are experiencing is ultimately, greater than the guilt and shame we experience after, so we keep going back.

So, where does this leave us? In a vicious cycle if we don’t step off the crazy train and find some healing. The beautiful thing is that healing is what our Heavenly Father offers. Healing from the insecurity, pain, frustration and brokenness is exactly why He sent His son and stands ready to help us at any moment. All we must really do, is turn to Him, admit our brokenness and allow Him to move and work in our soul to heal the broken places.

So, what are your triggers? If you are not aware of what they are, your first step is to begin to recognize them. If you know what they are, your next step is to take them to your Heavenly Father and ask for His help. Once you have asked Him for help, you need to be aware of when the triggers are coming or have come and set up some boundaries to help you move in a different direction than toward your sin. Lastly, you must be open and honest with at least one person who can help guide you in your healing and someone who can hold you accountable in making a better choice.

Tomorrow, we will talk about the concept of accountability; what it is, and why it is so important.

Thanks for reading and godspeed!

S.

I have never been able to figure out why pornography and sexual content has been labeled, mature content. It has been my experience that it is anything but that. It is actually incredibly immature and comes from being stuck in a poisoned and dark place when it comes to our sexuality and our view of humanity. In today’s post, I want to speak primarily to men about the struggle with lust and pornography. (For my female readers, this might help you to better understand the struggle men have in this area.)

First, let me say that this issue is one of the big white elephants in the room of the church. It is so prevalent and yet it so often get’s ignored because it is a hard and ugly subject. It also gets handled far too often as a “just stop doing it” sin topic rather than dealing with the heart of the issue. And the heart of it is much deeper than the act. Let me explain… (more…)

Today I want to talk about a truth that has only recently begun to become apparent to me. Not that it has not been true the whole time, but I am living and healing into a greater awareness of the fact that my Heavenly Father has never left my side throughout life.

Now, that seems like a “hello captain obvious” statement and those of us who have grown up around the church have heard variances of this statement throughout our lives. But, how many of us live in the light of this reality every day? How many of us live deeply with the sense that God is with us in every moment and is guiding and wants to guide us into the path of goodness and peace? Unfortunately, my experience in growing up around the church and being in full time ministry now for over 15 years is that far too many don’t live in this reality.

So how have I missed it? Why have I not noticed His presence surrounding me? I believe it is because I have been in survival mode. Doing whatever I thought I needed to do to survive and get by. When you are scratching to get by emotionally, physically or in any other way, it is really hard to stop, take a look around and recognize that He is there.

However, as I take the time to reflect now, I see amazing evidence of His guiding hand at work in my life:

• A 13 year old boy with a difficult home life says no to sex with a pretty girl and makes up his mind to “be the one” who waits until marriage.
• A 14 year old boy is offered alcohol and drugs by his best friend turns it down because it’s not the right thing to do.
• A 19 year old college student gets put on academic probation and struggles through the rest of college academic life only to earn a degree on time.
• Doors are opened for ministry opportunities that I didn’t have much experience in and yet there I was, leading anyway.

I could go on and on about my Heavenly Fathers guiding hand as I look back. My only regret as I look back is that I wish I would have been more aware of Him being there. I wish I could have trusted Him more and found my hope, peace and life in Him through all of those years. It sure would have saved me a lot of stress, worry, concern and some poor decisions I did make to just get by.

There is so much more I could say, but I will reserve those thoughts for future posts. What I hope you leave our time together today with is the beautiful fact that our Heavenly Father is with you now and always has been. Guiding, protecting, challenging and most importantly loving you more than you could ever imagine.

I hope that you live and have lived with the awareness of this truth. If you have, I would love to hear about it from you! If you haven’t, take some time today to reflect on your life. As you do, I know that you will begin to have a new level of clarity that He has always been there with you!

Thanks for reading (and maybe sharing) and godspeed!

S.