Together We Think

Today I want to talk about a truth that has only recently begun to become apparent to me. Not that it has not been true the whole time, but I am living and healing into a greater awareness of the fact that my Heavenly Father has never left my side throughout life.

Now, that seems like a “hello captain obvious” statement and those of us who have grown up around the church have heard variances of this statement throughout our lives. But, how many of us live in the light of this reality every day? How many of us live deeply with the sense that God is with us in every moment and is guiding and wants to guide us into the path of goodness and peace? Unfortunately, my experience in growing up around the church and being in full time ministry now for over 15 years is that far too many don’t live in this reality.

So how have I missed it? Why have I not noticed His presence surrounding me? I believe it is because I have been in survival mode. Doing whatever I thought I needed to do to survive and get by. When you are scratching to get by emotionally, physically or in any other way, it is really hard to stop, take a look around and recognize that He is there.

However, as I take the time to reflect now, I see amazing evidence of His guiding hand at work in my life:

• A 13 year old boy with a difficult home life says no to sex with a pretty girl and makes up his mind to “be the one” who waits until marriage.
• A 14 year old boy is offered alcohol and drugs by his best friend turns it down because it’s not the right thing to do.
• A 19 year old college student gets put on academic probation and struggles through the rest of college academic life only to earn a degree on time.
• Doors are opened for ministry opportunities that I didn’t have much experience in and yet there I was, leading anyway.

I could go on and on about my Heavenly Fathers guiding hand as I look back. My only regret as I look back is that I wish I would have been more aware of Him being there. I wish I could have trusted Him more and found my hope, peace and life in Him through all of those years. It sure would have saved me a lot of stress, worry, concern and some poor decisions I did make to just get by.

There is so much more I could say, but I will reserve those thoughts for future posts. What I hope you leave our time together today with is the beautiful fact that our Heavenly Father is with you now and always has been. Guiding, protecting, challenging and most importantly loving you more than you could ever imagine.

I hope that you live and have lived with the awareness of this truth. If you have, I would love to hear about it from you! If you haven’t, take some time today to reflect on your life. As you do, I know that you will begin to have a new level of clarity that He has always been there with you!

Thanks for reading (and maybe sharing) and godspeed!

S.

The subject of my post today is very subtle. In a society where we value the self-made man, pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps and the freedom to be and do whatever we want, it is hard to imagine how self reliance could be a bad thing.

I have been laboring over this post for over 24 hours because I know what is in my heart to say, but getting that up into my head and out onto the page has been really difficult.

The reason it has been difficult to articulate is that I believe strongly in personal responsibility and want to do my best to make wise and good decisions in life. I also love the idea of the American Dream and the fact that we have so much freedom here to go after what we want to accomplish!

The subtle shift I am talking about may be small, but I believe it is very dangerous to our spiritual life. So, what exactly am I talking about? Let me give you a little background… (more…)

So, one of the obvious questions you might have for me is, “Why Now?”. What good does it do to go back to something and dredge up old hurt and pain? Isn’t it better to just leave it in the past and move on with our lives?

Believe me, my mind has certainly drifted there over the past 8 months! It certainly would be a whole lot easier…or would it? I’m not so sure that life is made easier by stuffing the pain and brokenness of the past. I am sure that it is more comfortable to move on, but pretty sure that God’s primary desire is not for our comfort, but more for our growth. So that is why I am going back. Because I need to grow!

I am discovering how many of my current struggles are related to the brokenness that began so many years ago and has continued through the years. Struggles like: insecurity, lust, fear, pride, etc… You see, so many of these present struggles we deal with are tied to the past and what we tend to do is double the efforts to stop doing them, instead of start dealing with the root of these struggles which is the brokenness at the core of who we are.

Over this journey together, I am going to unpack many of the things that I am learning about my own brokenness and struggles. Here are a few of the things I will spend some more time on in detail as we move forward:

• How my mindset of having to figure things out alone throughout the years has kept me from relating to God as my Heavenly Father
• How in my brokenness I was introduced to pornography and lust caused me to struggle with a unhealthy view of women (That should be a light and fun subject!;-)
• How I have begun to discover that God never left my side during the years and protected me from so many things that could have really hurt me
• How my need and desire for the attention of those in authority creates a thirst for approval that could never be met by anyone
• How the broken part of my heart in many ways has driven me toward the feeling that I need positions of leadership and influence to affirm who I am

I guess that should be enough to get us  started…lol!!!

There is one other driving force in “Why Now?” for me. It’s the thought of how I want my children to grow up. Bottom line on that is, I will make mistakes too and one day my kids might be writing something about me. (which I am ok with, btw:-) But, what I want to provide for them is someone who is deeply connected to his Heavenly Father and has done the had work in his life and heart. I want them to always be able to come to me with hurts and pains and know that I can help.

It would break my heart if my pain caused unnecessary harm and pain to my children because I didn’t do the hard work of healing. They wouldn’t know what really happened and neither would I and we would all be stuck in our pain together. That is not the kind of togetherness that I want for my family.

So, for now, we do the hard work and trust God to make up the difference! Every year I adopt a passage of scripture for the year based on what I think God is calling me to do and be. Here is this years passage:

“…prepare your minds for action;be self controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.” 1 Peter 1:13

So, my motto for 2010 is: “A mind prepared for action.”

Seems appropriate, huh?! I hope you are ready or open to whatever action God’s Spirit calls you to this year and I will be praying that you find the self-control and grace of God on whatever journey you need to take!

Until tomorrow, godspeed…

S.

Going Back

My friend and mentor, John Woodall (www.jdubspubs.com) shared some really important advice with me a few years back: “Sometimes you have to go back, before you can go forward”. That is where I am right now. Some of you may be asking, how do I know if I need to go back? Here are some thoughts about when you might need to go back:

• If you sense an emotional disconnect with those you should be closest to.
• If you share your story as if it is someone else’s and not yours.
• If much of your past is blurry or distant to you.
• If you live with an unexplainable anxiety deep inside.

Now, I am not saying this list is exhaustive or that these guarantee you need to go back, but they should at least give you pause to think about what is going on deep inside. I guess the biggest indicator for me that I needed to go back, was sensing God’s Spirit moving and working inside of me to help me see that I have some work to do.

One of the great challenges of going back is that many times others will have to go back with us. The reason that is such a great challenge is that those others may not want to. When they don’t it puts us in a really hard and awkward place. The encouraging thing is that even if they don’t we can find healing, but man would it be easier to heal if they would!

There is not one person reading this post (Yes, that means you:-) that does not have brokenness in your life. The question for all of us is, do we want to be healed? I am always struck by that question when Jesus asks it in John 5:6 to an invalid. What do you mean, do I want to be healed? That seems like crazy talk! Of course he would want to be healed, right? Maybe, but when you think about what would have to change in his life, maybe not. Here’s a brief list of what would possibly have to change:

1. He would be responsible for himself now. No more handouts.
2. He would have to go to work.
3. He couldn’t blame anything or anyone else for his circumstances now.
4. He would no longer feel the attention and pity of others.
5. Everything he had lived for and built in 37 years would now change.

Wow, that’s a pretty big change of life! Maybe it would be better to just stay unhealed? It sure would be a lot easier to remain an invalid wouldn’t it? So, why change? Why go through all of that? Because God didn’t make us to be invalids. He made us to thrive, to live at peace, to love deeply, to experience the kingdom of heaven on earth as it is in heaven! A healed place is what we are made for! The problem is, it is really hard! It stinks going through it and it doesn’t happen overnight!

It also becomes even harder when some of those that need to heal with you, decide they don’t want to. They would rather remain an invalid than go through the difficult work of being healed. In this moment, I have to say that I am not sure I blame them. This journey of healing has been really hard and not one I can take on my own. If it were not for the move of God’s Spirit and the love and encouragement of my wife and a few close friends, I really believe I would not be doing this.

I guess if I could encourage you to take only one thing away from today’s post, it would be: Please go back! Please let your answer be, “I want to be healed!”. Not just for your own sake, but for the sake of those closest to you! For the sake of the ministry God wants to do through you! For the sake of living a life full of the peace and love of God!

You see, part of my journey toward healing is going to be that much harder because I am going to have to do some of it alone. Some of my story will be locked up right now and not be shared with you, because some really hard work and conversations have yet to happen. I am prayerful that they will happen one day, but honestly, I’m not sure they ever will. It’s in the Lords hands!

I believe that one of the greatest gifts you could ever give to those closest to you, is your own personal growth. What an amazing thing it would be if you were the first one to engage your wife or husband, your children and those closest with you to talk about where you are broken and what you are learning as you grow. Wow, would that be awesome or what?! We all have someone in our life that we desperately need to have a gift like this from and the reality for you today, is that someone in your life needs that gift from you!

So, if you have started to “Go Back” I want to encourage you to keep going! It is so hard, but so worth it!!! If you have not gone back, ask God for His strength, find someone to help you and get started! I am 8 months into going back and it has been really hard, but really meaningful and worth it!!!

As I close, remember this is not about someone, it is about everyone, including you;-) I hope you are reminded throughout the day and every day  that Jesus is still asking us that same question today, “Do you want to get well?” What will your answer be?

Thanks for reading and godspeed!

S.

This is hard for me. The story I am sharing with you is my story, but it involves so many others: my mom and dad, my brothers, my family, etc… The real tension that I feel as I share is the tension of wanting to be real and authentic with you while at the same time be careful to protect and honor those involved in my story. I want to share what my Heavenly Father is teaching me and yet I also realize that I must use wisdom as some things are still being worked through and there are many healing conversations that need to take place. I guess my qualifying statement to you is, I am healing, but not yet healed.

Although in so many ways my journey began over 27 years ago, in a very significant way, it has only just begun. Let me explain. It was just a year ago that I really discovered that I have been running from a broken heart for the last 27 years. The best way I can describe it is that when my parents began to struggle in their marriage and finances, my heart began to break and the day I came home to discover that my mom had moved out and left me and my older brother behind, the breaking was pretty much complete. In many ways I am only just beginning to go back and discover why these things happened, so I am not trying to judge anyone for the decisions they made, but trying to understand how the decisions that were made broke me and how I can heal from that brokenness.

Before we dive into more of the details together, what I really want to do is say thank you to a few people who have made this journey bearable and worth taking:

• First, to my Heavenly Father. I have only just begun to see and understand your presence and guiding hand through all of this journey and am so grateful for your protection and love. Our best years together are ahead for sure!
• To my wife. I told you the other day that without your love and encouragement, I probably would have already quit this and moved on. As I have been sharing the brokenness I am discovering with you, you have had the choice to discourage or encourage and your response from the beginning has been, “I am so proud of you for doing this hard work!” I am eternally grateful to you for your maturity and understanding.
• To my son and daughter. Every day, I am reminded of what kind of father I want to be to you. I want to be healthy and whole so that I know how to love and lead you in a way that allows you to grow up safe,  secure and with no doubt of the love you have in our home and your future homes.
• To Denise, my counselor. You have been sent by God to help guide me through my brokenness and the struggle of healing. Your understanding, real and gentle way have been exactly what I needed to navigate this journey. Thank you!
• To my mentors and friends. You know who you are. Your encouragement and belief in me has been a sustaining force in my life.
• To my parents and brothers. In many ways, your influence has made me who I am today. There is some healing we all must do, but there is no judgement, just a desire for us all to be whole and healthy.

OK, sorry for the love fest, but that felt really important:-)

So, let me share quickly how I realized I was running away from something. It was at a retreat with North Point where the topic being spoken about was the top 10 needs of our soul. I won’t go into them right now, but as I started reading through them and thinking about my son (my daughter was not in the picture yet)  I was brought almost to the point of tears thinking about how I wanted to provide these things for him. Things like, unconditional love, acceptance, etc…

As I was thinking about these needs, the thought crossed my mind, “I wonder which of these I received as a child?” As I started to go through them I realized that many of them were missing for me and there was a stark realization that I felt nothing in regards to those missing things. So, I am feeling things so strongly for my son and these needs of his soul and nothing for myself and these needs. It was in this moment that I realized there was some work to do. The fact that I felt nothing looking back into my pain made me realize that the pain had never been dealt with.

So, the pain of a broken piece of my heart has been buried deep inside for over 27 years and rather than engaging it and healing, I have run from it, distanced myself and stayed broken. Don’t know if you can relate to that, but deep inside, it is not a very good place to live. It is living with a low level of anxiety, worry and concern deep below the surface that ultimately will cause anyone to break down in some way or another.

That’s where we begin and it is with this context in mind that I will continue to share with you the evolution of a journey that has begun, but is far from over. As always, I would love your thoughts and ideas if you know of anyone you think would be encouraged by my journey, please feel free to forward the link to my blog on to them.

Thanks for sharing this with me and godspeed!

S.

So, where to start? Where do I begin with my story? Any time we journey back into remembering, it can feel a bit disjointed or challenging to piece things together and share in an honest and open way. Especially when we have an intense story that taps into a lot of brokenness, pain and redemption.

I would like to start with a bulleted list of some particulars about my life and then go from there:

Born: October 10, 1972

Places I have lived: Davenport, IA - Deckerville, MI - Portage, MI - Three Rivers, MI - Marcellus, MI - Miami, FL - Lynchburg, VA - West Palm Beach, FL - Cumming, GA.

My immediate family: My dad, mom and 3 brothers. I am the second of 4 boys.

My family: my wife of 9 years, my 4 year old son and a daughter due in May.

Where I have worked: World Help, Thomas Road Baptist Church, Palm Beach Gardens Christ Fellowship, Garden of Life, Cobblestone Cafe, Saddleback Church, North Point Community Church.

My wiring: Myers Briggs - INFP; Right Path - Adapter; Strengths Finder - Relator, Connectedness, Developer, Ideation, Adaptive; My Spiritual Gifts - Hospitality, Leadership, Shepherd

What I enjoy: Hanging at home with my family, garage saleing, reading, hanging on my back deck with good friends, Miami Hurricane football, an occasional triathlon or half marathon, good food, deep conversations, early in the morning time with the Lord, anything that is a great experience and creating new things!

So, that is a small snapshot of me! I would love to know a little about you if you are open to that? If you want to post something feel free to follow the same format as me!

Now, in closing, let me share why the picture at the top. For 27 years I have felt the low level anxiety of being alone in my journey. From the time my mom left at 9 and my dad had to fight the battles of trying to keep food on the table and saving his marriage, I began to believe that I had to make it on my own, that I had to figure out life by myself and make my own way in this world. What I am not saying is that this is true, but in reality, if we believe it, even if it’s a lie, it is truth to us. So, in many ways, this is where my story begins and over the next ? weeks, I want to process out loud what God has been teaching me and helping me to see and struggle with.

Thanks for reading, listening and sharing when you want to! I hope you find courage, camaraderie, and hope through the ups and downs of the journey of my life so far.

Godspeed!

S.

One of the greatest lies we could ever believe is that we are alone; that no one else has the same struggles; that we can’t share our hurts and fears because others don’t need to hear our sob story or even worse, no one really cares. If you have ever felt this way then I want you to know that this lie is simply not true! We are not alone; there are many people that struggle the same way you do; our Heavenly Father is there and always has been; there are people around you who would love to help you bear your burden if you would only just reach out.

But what if you’re scared? What if your relationships are all on the surface? What if you have a hard time grasping God as your heavenly Father? Well, I can honestly say, you are not alone. I have been scared for years to dig into the real hurt and pain in my life; I have struggled for years to relate to God as my heavenly Father due to a broken family system as a child; I have many good people around me who would love to support me, but I have all too often failed to just reach out.

If you have ever felt alone or maybe feel that way now, I would like to invite you on a journey. It is the journey of my life, not as it is now, but as it once was. You see, over the last 8 months I have been diving back into my past to discover my brokenness and find a way to heal a broken heart I have protected for 25+ years. It all begins with a wonderful early childhood and quickly heads downhill with the break-up of my family and a 9 year old boy who adopts the mindset that he has to make it on his own. But, I am getting ahead of myself….

Beginning tomorrow, I will begin sharing with you, my new friends, the journey that God has had me on over the past 8 months and more importantly, over the past 37 years. What are my hopes for doing this? I hope that maybe, just maybe, through my story, you will find that you are not alone; that there is someone you can share with; that God has never left your side and truly is your loving Heavenly Father.

I was having a conversation with a man last week who is a part of a self-discovery group I lead. As we were ending a 24 hour retreat together, this really great man shared something with me that he has never told another person (besides his wife) in his life. I was honored and heart broken for him, because this was a burden he should never have had to bear alone. As we ended our time together, he made a profound statement, he said, “It just feels so great to be able to share this with someone” and I couldn’t agree with him more.

So, thanks for letting me share my story with you! There might only be one person that reads this, but if only one is encouraged, I am ecstatic! I hope that through my story you might find some comfort, some laughs and hopefully a lot of encouragement!

In closing, I would love to invite you to reach out any time you would like through an email or a post or just by reading and telling others about the site if you believe they can find some encouragement here as well!

Blessings to you and godspeed!!

S.

Been Gone for a While

So, I have been spending so much time since last summer working on the North Point Online page and blog that I have disappeared on my own blog!!!! Not any more! I am going to be regularly blogging here now and as the name suggests, I would love your thoughts as well, so come back to visit often and feel free to share anything you would like as together we think!!!!! S.

I was putting Silas to bed last week and he looked up at me and asked this question, “Daddy, what will I dream about?” I laughed, smiled and said, “I’m not sure buddy!” But, as I walked out of the room and left him to sleep, my mind started racing. What are the dreams I hope he will have? Even though I don’t know for sure what my little man will dream about, here are some things I hope will be in his dreams as he grows older:

• A deep understanding of how much his mom and dad love each other and him
• An ever deepening relationship with Jesus
• A desire to remain pure and treat women with respect, saving himself for the love of his life
• A quest to align himself with how God has gifted and wired him
• An opportunity to engage in life work that taps into his gifting where he finds fulfillment and success

These are just a few of the dreams I hope he has and finds the fulfillment of.  As his father, I will do everything I can to help him find and discover the life dreams that God has planted in his soul. Even though I didn’t answer his question that night, I look forward to the unfolding of that question in the months and years ahead!

Just out of curiosity, what is one dream you hope your child will have?

I am a big fan of U2 and really love the depth and spirituality of their new album, No Line On The Horizon. One of my favorite songs is, Stand Up Comedy, mainly because of a single line: “I can stand up for hope, faith, love, but while I’m getting over certainty, stop helping God across the road like a little old lady.” When I heard this line, it hit me that one of the biggest problems the church faces today is it’s certainty over everything! But, why are we so certain? Why has the divine mystery been reduced to a certainty that we have an answer for everything?

I would propose that it is because we like and want control! We feel that the more control we have, the more we can move people in the way we want them to go, which, by the way, many times may not be the way God wants them to go. So who wins in that struggle? I hope it is God, but if God has decided to work through us, than maybe we win and His kingdom loses? (I am sure that is bad theology;-) )

How about you? Are you getting over certainty? Or are you helping God across the road like a little old lady? I hope we are progressively losing control/certainty and embracing more of the Divine mystery and how God wants to move and work, however that may be!

I am also moved by the first line because we have a lot we can be certain of: Hope, Faith and Love…those are things that should be certain as we live our lives!

Trying my best to grow, but still in process here…