Together We Think

The subject of my post today is very subtle. In a society where we value the self-made man, pulling ourselves up by our own bootstraps and the freedom to be and do whatever we want, it is hard to imagine how self reliance could be a bad thing.

I have been laboring over this post for over 24 hours because I know what is in my heart to say, but getting that up into my head and out onto the page has been really difficult.

The reason it has been difficult to articulate is that I believe strongly in personal responsibility and want to do my best to make wise and good decisions in life. I also love the idea of the American Dream and the fact that we have so much freedom here to go after what we want to accomplish!

The subtle shift I am talking about may be small, but I believe it is very dangerous to our spiritual life. So, what exactly am I talking about? Let me give you a little background…When my parents went through their separation, I felt in those days and moments that I had to figure life out on my own. The two people who were supposed to be my guides in life during that season were in their own battles and facing such major obstacles that I believed I was alone.

Now, I am not saying that my feeling of being alone was necessarily true. I did have some support from my parents, I was involved in a great church and God was certainly with me, but what I believed and carried out of those years, was that I had to depend on myself to figure life out.

And so, that is what I did and in many ways have continued to do through the past 25 years.  At every turn I did my best to figure things out on my own: Moving around to 3 different high schools in 4 years, moving to Miami, Florida from Michigan before my senior year of high school, going to college without a clue of how I was going to pay for it, trying to pass classes when I was really not a great or disciplined student, dating girls for the first time in college, etc… I have lived my life for a long time in such a way as to say, “I am going to figure this out. I am relying on myself.”

The unfortunate thing about this mindset is that it can seem to work for a very long time. But, I believe at some point it leads to a lot of problems and deep down inside it is more than any one person can bear. Let me list a few of the outcomes for me:

• Not recognizing that God is walking with me as my Heavenly Father and not being able to trust that He is in control.
• Being overwhelmed, frustrated and discouraged when things don’t work out as I planned.
• Not being able to love and serve people in the way that I should because my mind is full of my own issues, challenges and agenda.
• Turning to things that felt good, eased the pain inside and gave me a feeling of control: pornography, food, dating relationships, etc…

As you read some of those things, I am sure you might be able to relate or have a list of your own ways that self-reliance drove you toward some unhealthy things. The key to healing from this messed up mindset is first that we are growing in our awareness of how it shows up negatively in our lives and second that we have enough humility to ask for help and be open and honest about who and where we are in life.

A big part of this blogging journey for me is to be open in a way that can bring freedom. Not just for me, but I am prayerful that it might, in a small way, do the same for you. I have been blown away by those of you who have already reached out to encourage and thank me because something I am learning has caused you to learn or see your journey in a new way. Thank you for your encouragement and humility! I hope that we can continue this journey together and that as I am growing, God might use my growth to spark the flame of your growth as well!

My good friend, Lance Witt (www.replenish.net) shared a powerful verse with me a few years ago that has been a guiding force in my life as I take this journey of discovery and healing:

“This is what the LORD says: ‘Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls’.”  Jeremiah 6:16

Here is what I am learning about this truth and what I hope you will take away today:

1. We all stand at crossroads every day. Some are big and some are small. Some come from others and some come from ourselves.
2. The wisdom of God has been around for a long time and we must ask for His guidance in every area of life, not just try and figure things out on our own.
3. Once we have discovered the right way, by asking God, we must then take the personal responsibility to obey and walk down that path.
4. When we do this, we are not promised that everything will succeed or that all of our dreams will come true, but that we will find rest for our souls.

Now, I have to be honest, having a soul at rest has not been a hallmark in my life throughout the years. All too many times, my self-reliance; my belief that I was alone; my driveness to make my own way, took me to a place of brokenness and despair. I believe that the step I have neglected consistently so far in my life has been the asking for the wisdom that comes from God, because I felt like I had to make it my own.

But the reality I am discovering more and more in my life is not only that I am not alone, but that I have never been alone. God, as my Heavenly Father has been with me every step of the way. He has guarded me in so many ways, even when I made really poor and desperate self-reliant decisions. What a beautiful thing to discover that not only are we not alone, but we don’t have to rely on our broken selves. We get to rely on the God who created us, loves us and has our best interest in my mind. The results of discovering and living in this truth is that our souls will be at rest in Him:-) That is my prayer today for both your life and mine!

Thank you again for reading and godspeed!

S.