Together We Think

I have never been able to figure out why pornography and sexual content has been labeled, mature content. It has been my experience that it is anything but that. It is actually incredibly immature and comes from being stuck in a poisoned and dark place when it comes to our sexuality and our view of humanity. In today’s post, I want to speak primarily to men about the struggle with lust and pornography. (For my female readers, this might help you to better understand the struggle men have in this area.)

First, let me say that this issue is one of the big white elephants in the room of the church. It is so prevalent and yet it so often get’s ignored because it is a hard and ugly subject. It also gets handled far too often as a “just stop doing it” sin topic rather than dealing with the heart of the issue. And the heart of it is much deeper than the act. Let me explain…I was introduced to pornography around the age of 9. This happened to coincide with my mom leaving my dad and me being separated from her. It has only been in the past couple years that I have recognized that this was perfect timing on the part of the enemy. Not only did a little boy feel like he lost his mom, but his confusion was amplified by the objectification of women in the form of nudity and pornographic material.

My counselor shared with me recently, that it is natural for children to self-soothe when they experience pain and brokenness and for many boys, the easiest or best thing they can find is pornography and masturbation.

One of the greatest challenges in dealing with this whole subject and struggle is that it taps into a beautiful part of who God made us to be as sexual beings. The enemy is very clever in that he uses something that is noble and created by God and twists it to use it against us. Men, for some of us the first step in our journey will be to begin understanding our sexuality not as a dirty thing, but as something beautiful, created by God.

Now, I know I can’t speak for every man, but I do believe that for most of us their is something much deeper going on in this struggle of lust and I want to make my best attempt to explain.

For me, when my mom left, I became very confused about the opposite sex. The loss of not only her presence, but her guidance on how to handle and interact in a healthy way with a woman caused me to have to figure it out on my own. And, honestly, I didn’t do a very good job of figuring that out.

So, here I am, 9 years old. My mom is gone from day-to-day life, I am introduced to pornography and I feel like I am on my own. Bad combination, right?! Back in the 80’s pornographic content wasn’t nearly as accessible as it is now through the internet, so it was an occasional look at a store, at a friends house, or maybe on tv. Over the years, as it became more accessible, it would be at times frequent and then infrequent depending on the season of life, but it has remained a temptation even up to this day.

At this point, I want to make a very important statement. My use of pornographic materials (whether it be tv, computer, etc…) has never been gratuitous. I can honestly tell you without a doubt that when I have turned to it, it has been in times of stress, fear, hopelessness, struggles, spiritual highs, etc… All those things in life that tap into my brokenness and insecurities. All those things in life that bring out the little broken boy who needed to self-soothe.

Why is this important? Because we need to know that there is something much deeper going on under the surface when we use lust. We need to know that it is not just about stopping it, but doing the hard work of going back and healing in some areas that bring us to a place where we no longer need to self-soothe in an unhealthy way…where we learn that it is our Heavenly Father who can help us heal and grow through and beyond the pain.

This is where we will spend some time the next couple days exploring the subject and discovering what is really going on under the surface….

I would encourage you to forward this on to any man you know, because if statistics are right, they are struggling at some level with this. I am praying today, that for you and many others, the discussion of this topic and my own healing journey, will begin a whole new level of healing in you!

Thanks for reading something that is a difficult topic, but oh so important in this day and age.

Until tomorrow, godspeed…

S.